A Miracle for the Baby Doctor Page 12

  His gut was still knotted, while his brain was circling helplessly around her offer.

  She wanted to stay here?

  Because she’d grown to love the place?

  Hardly! She seen two beaches, a restaurant and barely knew the place at all.

  Or could it be a way of escape—either from something happening back at home or from him?

  She was adamant that their relationship must end when they left the island, so maybe offering to stay on was her way of making sure that it did.

  That made the most sense, but wasn’t it a bit drastic? Shifting countries to avoid a relationship?

  What of her friends and family?

  He was sure she’d mentioned a mother.

  It was at this stage he realised just how little he knew about the woman he loved.

  There, the word had come out with no hesitation that time, so maybe it was love.

  He had to find out, get to know her better, which seemed ridiculous given they’d spent almost every night since she’d arrived together.

  He turned and headed back to the little apartment they shared. They’d go to lunch down at the waterfront—there was a lovely seafood restaurant just out of the main town.

  But she wasn’t there.

  * * *

  Fran had walked down through town, listening to the sounds of this strange, exotic place, revelling in the aromas of food and flowers and sea.

  She could live here.

  Her mother would have a fit at the very idea, but eventually she’d give in and come to visit. After all, these days she loved to travel.

  Her mother would meet the local people, realise how special they were, see the beauty of the beaches, and...be convinced it was why her daughter had chosen to live here?

  Fran shook her head at the thought.

  It wouldn’t have to be for ever. Steve would soon find another woman—there’d be plenty of women who’d love to marry him.

  Not that he’d mentioned marriage, but where else would continuing this affair lead?

  Regret for what could not be seized her, clutching at her stomach, burning in her lungs.

  She wouldn’t cry, she’d used up her life’s allotment of tears years ago.

  Realising she’d reached the waterfront, she wandered along to a small café, went in and bought a sandwich, and a pretty fruit drink that tasted more of coconut than anything else she could name. Then she sat on the jetty to have lunch, seagulls swooping in circles above her, waiting for her to drop a crumb.

  Looking out over the clear waters of the bay calmed her mind and body to the extent that she realised that, yes, she could live here. Maybe not for ever, but certainly for a year or two...

  Though walking back up the hill in the heat of early afternoon made her think maybe not.

  Silly really, even considering it all, when there was no certainty that Steve would go ahead with his plan to have a permanent IVF clinic here.

  Silly, too, to think he’d pursue her back in Sydney. He was a rational, intelligent man and no doubt once back in the real world he’d totally forget her. She was making mountains out of molehills, as her mother would have said.

  ‘You do realise why we’re both a bit tetchy,’ Steve greeted her when she finally reached their accommodation and sank down in the shade of the deck.

  He was standing leaning back on the railing, the green jungle growth of the garden behind him. ‘It’s because tomorrow’s the first testing day. Reds, and the day after that the Yellows. We mightn’t be consciously thinking about it but those doubts are there, nibbling away at the edges of our minds.’

  He flung out his hands as if to say, There, what do you think of that? and Fran had to smile.

  In fact, she realised now she usually had to smile when she saw him, even when he was causing chaos in her body.

  ‘Anyway,’ he continued, ‘we’ve done no sightseeing lately.’ A wicked grin flashed across his face as he winked and added, ‘Can’t think why not!’

  For someone who didn’t blush she wasn’t doing too badly at it since she’d come to Vanuatu. Fran just hoped he hadn’t noticed, and waited for what was coming.

  ‘So, this afternoon I’m taking you to the Blue Hole. Swimming costume and shoes that can get wet are the order of the day. The rocks around the water are mostly coral and very rough. It’s fairly shaded but suntan lotion is a good idea. I’m happy to help with that.’

  He came towards her as he finished speaking, took her hands and pulled her to her feet, looking deep into her eyes, his eyes saying things she didn’t want to hear.

  His arms enfolded her, holding her close, and when she finally relaxed into his arms, she leant against him and longed for this to be her place.

  Eventually he moved, easing her away from his body so he could look into her face again.

  ‘Okay?’ he asked, and she nodded, then headed for her bedroom to get dressed for their outing.

  It wasn’t okay, Steve knew, as he too headed for his room to get organised. Her eyes had been shuttered against him, her thoughts and feelings hidden behind a blue-green wall.

  * * *

  At least the Blue Hole was magical enough to bring a smile to her face, her expressions of delight so genuine his heart began to hope again.

  ‘It’s actually a series of pools, the last of them opening to the ocean down that narrow end. You can’t see it for the jungle but it means the water is a mix of salt and fresh.

  She pulled off her shirt, revealing the pale body he was beginning to know so well, and handed him the sun lotion as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  He smoothed it onto her skin, making sure he covered all of it, wanting to protect her now, thoughts of sex far from his mind.

  ‘I think I can manage the front,’ she said, smiling at him as she turned and took the bottle from his hands.

  Had his hands lingered too long on her smooth, straight back? On the swell of her hips, the narrowness of her waist, the delicate bones of her spine?

  He’d been learning her in a different way, although he knew full well he didn’t know her. Not in important ways! Didn’t know much about her past—married and divorced, full stop—or what brought the shadows to her eyes, or what kept her from committing to him when they were back in Sydney.

  She finished putting on the lotion and handed him the bottle.

  ‘For all you’ve got to-die-for olive skin, you should put some on your face.’

  And although he knew the fierce heat was gone from the sun, he did it because she’d suggested it.

  ‘Last in’s a wuss,’ she said, diving neatly into the clear water.

  He followed and came up beside her, pleased there were no tourist ships in port and that it was a weekday so they had the pool to themselves.

  ‘Like it?’ he asked, and was rewarded with a brilliant smile.

  ‘Love it!’ she said. ‘It’s the rainforest crowding all around it that make it special. And the jungle vines there, like the ones Tarzan swung on, so you can imagine him and Jane splashing around in here.’

  She paused then added, ‘Though if you do a “me Tarzan, you Jane” joke I’ll probably hit you.’

  It had been on the tip of his tongue but, duly warned, he shut his mouth, diving down to find one of the smooth pebbles that lay among the rougher coral rocks on the bottom of the hole.

  He brought one up, pleased it was a pretty one, and handed it to her.

  ‘A present?’ she said. ‘But it’s lovely!’

  Then somehow they were kissing, and soon doing more than kissing, their coming together almost cataclysmic in its intensity, so when he held her afterwards he knew his trembling was matching hers.

  ‘We must be cold,’ she said, with a pathetic attempt at a smile.

&nbs
p; ‘We must be,’ he agreed, then stopped further conversation with a long, deep and very satisfying kiss.

  Fran eased away and swam, up and down the small part of the pool Steve had chosen, her mind in chaos.

  She loved this man and was reasonably sure he might feel the same way about her, but how could she deny him the family he had wanted since he’d been ten years old?

  She couldn’t, and that was that.

  Neither could she tell him about her failed attempts at IVF. He was such a positive man, there was never a glass half-empty for him. He’d want her to try again, urge her to, but the last failed attempt had almost broken her, and she knew, for certain, another one would do the same.

  And then he’d walk away?

  She couldn’t blame him, knowing how important children were to him, but she’d had enough men walk away from her, with her father and then Nigel, and she knew just how much it hurt...

  But if it succeeded?

  Hope flared but common sense reminded her that what Steve wanted—needed—was a family, not another only child.

  And she loved him too much to deny him that.

  He was swimming beside her now, matching his strokes to hers.

  Perfectly!

  She stopped, feeling for the bottom, feeling also the pebble he’d given her pressed against her flesh in the bikini top.

  And when he stopped, it was her turn to reach for him, to hold him in a close embrace and kiss him.

  She had just one more week of kisses and she intended making the most of them.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  OR DID SHE?

  Steve had obviously decided not to wake her for a run so she woke in his bed—alone.

  And remembered it was the first pregnancy testing day—the Reds.

  The Inuis. She knew them, knew their names, had sat with them while Steve had extracted Mrs Inui’s eggs.

  And knew also they had a less than fifty percent chance of being pregnant.

  She burrowed under the sheet, an ostrich hiding its head from the world.

  But Steve expected her to be there for the test, wanted her to share the excitement.

  Except it might not be excitement.

  She clenched her teeth to stop a wail of fear and pain escaping from her lips then reminded herself she was a mature professional woman and this was just part of her job.

  She didn’t believe the words she told herself, but it was sufficient to get her out of bed, into the shower, then dressed for work.

  Shirt and shorts—so prim and so boring!

  So unlike the woman she’d become in three short weeks...

  She poured some cereal for breakfast, added milk, then tipped it out, her stomach refusing to accept that she should eat.

  This was idiotic, she had to positive!

  It had worked for Mrs Inui’s sister—there was a beautiful baby to prove it—and how many of the women she’d met at the clinic when she’d been going through IVF had produced babies?

  Most of them.

  Eventually...

  She made for the bathroom, cleaned her teeth and tied up her hair, tucked the stone Steve had given her inside her trouser pocket, then with heavy steps and an even heavier heart she headed up to the lab. She’d check the purple dishes first.

  But the thought of them made her close her eyes. If she had the power to ensure just one of their couples tested pregnant, it would be the Hopoates so their reign as Lords of Heaven and Canoes could continue.

  Steve appeared as she was showing Arthur the healthy little embryo Steve would implant later in the day, and she wondered if the power of positive thinking would help this little group of cells grow into a royal heir or heiress.

  Steve’s appearance broke into her silent conversation with the dish so she slid it back into the incubator and, with already taut nerves tightening more, turned to look at him.

  ‘Ready?’ he asked, the smile on his face as radiant as the sun.

  She stared at him. He had to have felt for the setbacks as his clients—the same disappointments when pregnancies failed—yet here he was, so positive she almost began to believe herself.

  Hiding her turmoil of feelings, she agreed that she was ready and, leaving Arthur to man the lab, walked with the man she loved up to the clinic.

  The Reds—Inuis—were already there, and from the lack of smiles on their faces and the droop to their shoulders Fran knew they’d used a test kit from a chemist to find out for themselves.

  But Steve, though he must be used to seeing couples come in like this, refused to lose his cheerful smile, greeting them heartily and explaining that home tests weren’t always accurate.

  These days they are, Fran thought, but she didn’t share it.

  Alex handed Mrs Inui a small specimen jar and she dutifully retired, bringing it back and handing it to Steve.

  He asked them both to sit down, then took the jar into the consulting room.

  ‘I know I could test it in front of them but I feel this gives them more certainty,’ he said to Fran, who had followed him in.

  Or allows a little more time for hope to build again so they’d be twice disappointed, she thought, but didn’t say, although her heart was sinking lower every moment.

  When the test came back negative, all of her hopes disappeared to ash, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth and an ache in her heart.

  But she said all the right words when Steve talked to the Inuis, explaining how they could proceed after this, testing again in three days’ time just to be sure.

  Then he spoke of the alternatives if the later test didn’t prove positive and this cycle didn’t produce a pregnancy. Fran even joined in, telling them stories of friends who’d become pregnant on the second or third cycle of the treatment, giving them hope she hoped was realistic.

  But after they left, Fran returned to the lab, asking Arthur if he would take the Purple embryo up to the rooms when the couple arrived.

  ‘I know I should be there,’ she said to him, ‘but I feel a bit deflated and thought I’d walk it off.’

  After warning her that it was really too hot to be walking, he let her be, so Fran was free to slip down to her room.

  And pack!

  In a state of cold numbness she phoned the airline office and accepted a seat on the late afternoon flight, then ordered a taxi to collect her mid-afternoon.

  Steve would be busy then with the Hopoates.

  The Hopoates!

  She had their second embryo to freeze.

  Arthur, she was sure, could do it, but somehow these people had become special to her and she wanted to be sure it was safely stored for them.

  She hurried back up to the lab, aware that her behaviour was cowardly, but it was self-preservation more than anything else. Her heart just couldn’t handle any more hurt.

  She pulled out the purple dish and put it under the microscope, concentrating on the delicate task of preparing the precious embryo for freezing, thinking of the couple who might need it if the first one didn’t fix itself to the uterine wall.

  The pain that clutched her heart at that thought told her she was doing the right thing.

  She knew these people, and she knew the pain of failure.

  To go through that with them?

  She just couldn’t do it.

  ‘Arthur told me you were going for a walk.’

  She closed her eyes briefly at the sound of Steve’s voice, finished what she was doing, then looked up at him, aware she owed him the truth.

  ‘I’m sorry, Steve, really, really sorry, but I’ve just realised I can’t stay for the rest of the pregnancy testing. I know that sounds pathetic, and I don’t know how to explain it, but I just can’t. I’m booked on the afternoon flight.’

  H
e stepped towards her, reaching out to lift her unresisting hands in his, looking deep into her eyes, knowing they were welling with tears.

  The eyes she loved were puzzled, a frown creasing his brow.

  Would he guess?

  Had she given herself away earlier?

  She couldn’t tell. She only knew that she couldn’t put into words what she’d been through—not to Steve, maybe not to anyone.

  * * *

  ‘You’ve been through it yourself?’ he asked gently, and she sighed.

  Of course he’d guess, but the words wouldn’t come.

  ‘Tell me,’ he insisted, and she managed a nod.

  ‘Twice, three times?’

  She nodded again, the lump in her throat too big for words.

  ‘Oh, Francesca!’

  He pulled her to her feet and gathered her into his arms, holding her against his body, so close she had to battle the feeling that this was where she belonged.

  For ever.

  Except it wasn’t!

  Couldn’t be!

  She eased away, tried for sensible, controlled, practical.

  ‘I’ve got to finish this,’ she said, returning to the microscope so she could manipulate the embryo into the straw.

  But she couldn’t get away from him so easily. He followed her over and rested his hand on her shoulder as she worked.

  ‘Is this your reason for insisting this was just an affair? Because you feel you can’t have children?’

  Her back had stiffened at his touch but she had to bluff her way through.

  ‘Not entirely,’ she assured him. ‘I know it might sound stupid, but I’ve got used to being single. I love my work, I’ve got friends when I need company, I’ve made a different kind of life.’

  She finished what she was doing and stood up, forcing him to step back.

  ‘It’s all I want,’ she said firmly, while what she really wanted to say was that, after her father and Nigel, she really didn’t want another man walking away from her.

  Disappointed in her.

  Especially this man—it would break her heart.

  Walking away from him, well, that was hurting already—more painful than anything she’d ever experienced—but it was a different hurt.