One Baby Step at a Time Read online

  Nick opened his mail box, emptied it, and tucked all the mail under his arm while he relocked the box. Given his mood, it was probably inevitable that the one piece of mail that slid to the floor was a postcard with a picture of the Statue of Liberty on it.

  Refusing even to read it, Nick thrust it back in with the rest and went down to the basement.

  Work didn’t help. For a start he kept picturing Bill there, buzzing around with her quiet efficiency, always anticipating his needs when he had a tricky patient.

  And when he wasn’t picturing her there he was picturing her out with Rob Darwin, dining across a candlelit table from him, her hand touching his, just casually at first.

  Would they park by Sunrise Beach on the way home?

  His gut churned at the thought and by the end of his shift it took all his strength of mind to not knock on Bill’s door when he got back to the apartment building the next morning, just to see how she looked...

  And check whether Rob Darwin was there?

  No!

  He went directly to his apartment, showered, played with Steffi, ate the French toast Dolores cooked for him, and went to bed, certain that in sleep he’d lose the torment of his mind and body.

  They were at Woodchoppers, Bill in a lime-green bikini, a colour that seemed incongruous until she slid into the water and the bikini apparently disappeared, melding in with the colour of the water so her sleek, slim body, rolling slowly over in the tiny waves, appeared naked.

  Then he was in the water with her, both of them naked, swimming together in some way, bodies touching, arms pulling in unison through the water, Bill’s body fitting into his, made to fit into his, her back moulded to his chest, the water cool, his blood on fire.

  She turned and lay before him, offering herself up to him, but he didn’t take her, simply looked, drinking in the riotous red hair, the pale pink of her lips, the tips of her breasts, as pink as her lips. He leaned closer to lick them, first one then the other, while she smiled to hide the trembling of her body.

  Slim waist and flaring hips, more red curls, a nest that tempted his fingers, but he needed to know her better, to trace the contours of her body, feel the satin texture of her skin, kiss the little freckle just there at the base of her neck and now, a desire prolonged too long, taste again the sweetness of her lips.

  Honeyed sweetness, moist warmth within, Bill no longer passive, stirring beneath him, raising her hips so her body slid against his—slid into place—to where it was made to be.

  Drifting now, entwined, their bodies one, but the water failed to cool the fire that raced through his blood and burned along his nerves—the fire of need, of want—the urgency of desire.

  He’d take her, she was his after all, part of him, the better part. They’d reached the rocks, soft rocks, and there he rolled her so she lay along his body, her breasts crushed against his chest, kissing him with a passion that told him the fire was in her blood as well, burning along her nerves...

  He rolled her beneath him, touched her face, brushed back the burnished hair, smoothed his fingers over the lightly tanned skin that stretched across her cheekbones. Kissed her eyelids, kissed her nose, kissed the indentation beneath her pink ear, then lost himself once more as her lips parted, begging for a kiss.

  For more than a kiss?

  Of course for more. She was his, he was hers, it had to be—

  Had he groaned aloud that he woke to the agonised sound reverberating around his bedroom?

  That he woke up and sat, sweating, shivering, cursing now that he’d regressed to adolescence and the steamy dreams of youth, though Bill had never been part of those?

  He clambered out of bed, aware he was alone from the silence in the apartment, and headed for the shower, letting the water cascade over him, trusting it to wash away the memory.

  Dreams faded, didn’t they? Disappeared soon after waking, leaving nothing but ephemeral fragments too fine for memory to grasp?

  Not this dream.

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!’ Rob said when Bill collected him from his apartment near the hospital.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, enjoying the compliment—stupidly pleased because, guessing her brother had also asked Nick, she’d made an extra effort, even straightening her hair so it hung like a shining dark red curtain down past her shoulders. ‘But just remember I’m taking you there so you can meet some people outside the hospital circle. This is not a date.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ Rob saluted as he said it, adding, with a wry smile, ‘And I’ll try to hide my broken heart.’

  ‘Piffle,’ Bill retorted, ‘I bet you’re so used to women falling at your feet, I’m nothing more than a novelty because I haven’t.’

  ‘Not that many women have fallen at my feet,’ Rob argued, but he grinned as he said it and Bill had to hide a rueful sigh.

  How simple it would have been to have fallen at Rob’s feet—or even fallen just a little in love with him. How easy and uncomplicated. He was attractive, attentive, intelligent and had a good sense of humour—what more could a woman want?

  But, no, she had to do the unthinkable, and for some perverse reason fall in love with her totally unavailable best friend.

  This time the sigh must have escaped for Rob, who’d been opening the car door for her, said, ‘You’re not regretting asking me to this do, are you? Do you not usually mix with the local social crowd?’

  Bill slid in behind the wheel.

  ‘As a lot of the local social crowd are related to me I can’t avoid mixing with them, but as family, not at things like this. But, no, I don’t regret asking you, it will be fun, beginning with the shock on my various sisters-in-laws’ faces when I walk in with a handsome man who absolutely none of them know.’

  Rob came round the car and sat beside her.

  ‘Good,’ he said. ‘Let’s both have fun!’

  ‘Fun?’ she muttered to herself ten minutes later.

  Had she been out of her mind?

  She didn’t even have time to register her family’s reactions to her presence, because the first person she sighted was Nick.

  Nick, looking superb, in light-coloured slacks, a white open-necked shirt and a grey jacket that would probably exactly match his eyes.

  Nick, talking to the leggy blonde they’d seen at breakfast that first morning—

  Amy someone?

  Nick, raising an eyebrow, nothing more, as he took in Rob by her side.

  Glad she’d spent a fortnight’s salary on the slinky white dress that showed off her curves as well as her tan, Bill led Rob into the throng, introducing him to friends and relations, assuring him he didn’t need to remember names, finally finding Kirsten’s sister, Sally, a stunning brunette, who was currently single, having recently discovered the man she’d thought she loved was married.

  ‘Sally, this is Rob, a friend from the hospital. He’s new in town so would you be a darling and look after him for me while I do the rounds of the brothers who are here? If I talk to one and not another, they get all precious.’

  Sally whisked Rob off to get a drink, and Bill, aware she had to drive home—with or without Rob—took a glass of sparkling mineral water from a passing waiter and slid towards one of the open doors that led onto a narrow deck overlooking the boats in the yacht club marina.

  Straight hair and a slinky dress hadn’t cut it when it came to armour against Nick. Just seeing him had made her stomach somersault, leaving her so shaken it had taken all her strength to smile and nod and talk until she’d found an opportunity to hand Rob to someone else and escape while she collected her emotions.

  She breathed deeply, taking in the salt-laden air, listening to the clinking of the ropes and fastenings on the boats as they moved in their moorings, gazing upwards at the star-filled sky.


  Now think!

  Obviously if she was going to have this kind of physical reaction every time she saw Nick, she had to take steps to not see him. They’d remained friends through long separations so if one or other of them left town, surely they could revert back to their platonic relationship?

  She could get a job anywhere and maybe it was time to move on. She’d come home to lick her wounds after the Nigel debacle and the loss of the baby she’d never had, but she was fine and fit and strong once again.

  Apart from a little heart-sickness, love-sickness, whatever—but work could cure that. Challenging work—something different, a foreign country, somewhere she’d be needed—

  ‘I think your boyfriend’s fallen hard for Sally—surely there was a less attractive woman you could have left him with?’

  Nick was right behind her, so close she could feel the heat of him, smell his aftershave.

  ‘He’s just what Sally needs,’ Bill answered, refusing to turn round because if hearing Nick’s voice made her feel so uptight, then seeing him would probably paralyse her completely. ‘He’s nice and uncomplicated and funny and definitely not married.’

  ‘I’m not married,’ Nick said, his voice tight, strained, husky with emotion.

  ‘No, but you have a family you can’t betray so it’s the same thing.’

  Bill had done her best to keep her voice light and even, but the words had come out in a pathetic, wimpy kind of wail.

  It was because he was so close—so close and yet not touching. Her nerve endings were reaching out towards him, straining against her skin so it was tight and hot—wanting to feel him, to be held, to lose herself in—

  She stepped closer to the railing, hoping to break the bond that wasn’t there.

  Refocussed on her thoughts.

  Maybe—

  ‘Will you go back to live in Sydney?’

  The ‘when Serena returns’ hung, unspoken, in the air.

  Nick didn’t reply, the silence stretching so long Bill wondered if he would, but when he did speak she knew it was something he’d been considering already.

  ‘I want to stay here, Bill. I owe it to Gran, and also, now there’s Steffi, I think I’d like her to grow up here. Serena has always worked out of Sydney, but these days she’s in demand all over the world so I can’t see why she couldn’t be based here as well. She’s Steffi’s mother, Bill, for all her bizarre behaviour, and I’m sure, in her own way, Serena must love her daughter. Mother, father, child—that’s a family, isn’t it?’

  ‘Exactly what you wanted,’ Bill reminded him. ‘But you should at least try to sound pleased about it.’

  ‘How can I?’ came the anguished cry, then his arms looped around her waist and he pulled her back so she was held against him, her body fitting his as neatly as two matching pieces of a puzzle. ‘Damn it, Bill, how could this have happened? And why now, when it’s impossible? Was life meant to be this way? One disaster after another?’

  Bill rested her head against his shoulder and looked up at the sky.

  Play it lightly, she told herself, although she knew the rapid beating of her heart beneath his hands would have already given her away.

  ‘Melodrama, Dr Grant?’ she teased. ‘You can hardly label Steffi a disaster. More a miracle, and a delightful, gorgeous miracle at that. As for us, well, that would probably never have worked, even if we’d given in to the attraction. We know each other too well—there’d have been no mystery to keep the buzz alive.’

  She was doing really well, she thought, until he lifted her hair and kissed the nape of her neck, sending a violent shudder of desire right through her body. And if her heart had been racing earlier, it now went into overdrive, hammering against her chest, while she could feel the moisture of her need between her thighs.

  ‘Say that again—the bit about it not working,’ Nick murmured against her skin, but Bill was beyond speech, beyond thought or voluntary movement. She let Nick hold her, let him kiss his way along her shoulder, let his hands roam across her breasts, thumbs teasing at her traitorously peaking nipples.

  She grabbed the railing, no longer trusting her legs to hold her up as her bones melted under the onslaught of Nick’s touch.

  A sudden gust of wind, a louder rattle in the rigging of the yachts and she came thudding down to earth.

  ‘For heaven’s sake, Nick, we’re practically in public!’ she growled, trying to twist out of his grasp but only succeeding in turning to face him.

  ‘So, where can we be private? Your place?’

  Now she pushed away, shaking her head, hoping like hell she wasn’t going to cry.

  ‘You don’t mean that, Nick, I’m sure you don’t. Mother, father, child—family, remember? If you were to betray that then you’re not the man I’ve always thought you, and certainly not the man I love.’

  She spun away, heading not back inside but down the steps at the end of the balcony towards the marina itself. The ‘l’ word had come out without censorship but hopefully he’d take it as friend love not lover kind of love. Rob would have to fend for himself because there was no way she could go back inside and face family and friends with any kind of composure.

  The tears she refused to shed were banked up behind her eyes and she knew from the heat in her cheeks that they’d be fiery red.

  With anger, frustration or pain?

  She had no idea. All she knew was that her feelings for Nick had strayed so far beyond the realms of friendship that she would have to get away.

  Nick wanted to follow her but knew he couldn’t. Knew also he’d have to stay out on the balcony a little longer while the raging desire in his body cooled and he could face the crowd with some semblance of control.

  She was right, of course. Even thinking about the things he’d like to do with Bill was a betrayal of sorts, but how could he face Serena with the suggestion of family if he’d physically betrayed her?

  He thumped his fist against the railing, which did nothing more than hurt his hand, and was relieved when he heard a voice behind him—Amy joining him on the balcony.

  ‘I thought I’d lost you,’ she said. ‘Boy, it’s a crush in there. You didn’t say if you’re interested in a trip to Hayman Island on your next days off. I’m working as a boat hostess out there now and can get you a good deal on accommodation, and there’s a huge party for the launch of some new perfume going on all week.’

  ‘Thanks, but, no, thanks,’ Nick said, but inside his gloom lifted just a little as he realised how much one small person had changed his life. A couple of days on a tropical paradise had no appeal whatsoever when set against a couple of days playing with Steffi.

  Perhaps he wouldn’t always feel like this, but right now the more he got to know his daughter, the more fascinating he found her.

  So fascinating he found himself explaining his refusal.

  ‘Steffi’s going to walk on her own any day now, and I’d hate to miss seeing her take off.’

  Amy laughed and shook her head.

  ‘I gathered when you were talking about her earlier that she’d won you over, but to hear Playboy Nick refusing a gala party to see a baby take her first steps, that beats everything.’

  She studied him for a few moments before adding, ‘So it means you and Serena will get back together?’

  ‘I’m assuming so,’ Nick replied, ignoring the cold lump that formed in his stomach as he spoke.

  ‘Well, that will be interesting,’ Amy said with a smile he couldn’t quite fathom. He hadn’t liked the emphasis on the ‘will’ either but she disappeared back into the party before he could ask what she meant.

  But at least now he could leave without worrying he’d run into Bill either in the marina car park or the building basement. The less he saw of Bill the better.

  * * *

  ‘Oh, D
octor Nick, I was going to phone you but Miss Bill arrived with the spade just in time. The little one, she was making an awful noise with breathing but Miss Bill has her in the en suite and she’s okay now.’

  Bill arrived with a spade?

  Nick was striding towards his bedroom but that bit of the garbled conversation kept repeating itself in his head.

  He opened the door to a fog of steam, a bedraggled-looking Bill sitting on the lavatory seat with Steffi asleep on her knee.

  No spade.

  ‘Croup!’ Bill said as Nick bent over his daughter, automatically feeling for a pulse, listening to her breathing. ‘Dolores said she opened the air-conditioning vent in Steffi’s room because she was restless when she went to bed. If she has a bit of a cold, the cool, dry air could have caused the croup.’

  Bill was talking sense, he knew that, but his medical brain was telling him that sudden stridor in a child’s breathing could be caused by an inhaled foreign object.

  ‘She’s breathing normally now.’ Bill answered his doubts as he lifted Steffi into his arms and held her tightly against him. ‘I think she can go back to bed. I asked Dolores to turn off the air-conditioning earlier and although humidifiers are rarely needed up here in the tropics, it might be advisable to have one on hand for those hot nights when Steffi might need air-conditioning in her room.’

  Nick looked down at Bill, at the hair beginning to regain its curl, at the damp dress clinging to her figure...

  No, he wouldn’t look there.

  ‘We never had it, did we?’

  Bill met the question with a puzzled frown.

  ‘Had what?’

  ‘Air-conditioning, you dope.’

  That won an almost normal Bill smile.

  ‘Never knew it existed outside of supermarkets and shopping malls. Remember how packed the malls were on really hot days?’

  ‘Malls, hospitals and court houses,’ Nick recalled, while relief flooded through him that he and Bill hadn’t lost their easy, casual friend-type conversation.

  Relief that vanished when she stood up and he remembered his dream when the lime-green bikini had apparently disappeared. The white slinky dress was in danger of doing the same thing and in his mind he saw her standing there naked in front of him.